Love is more than a coincidence

The Mumbai-based matchmaker Sima Taparia delivers this meme-friendly one-liner in the seventh episode of the hit Netflix series Indian Matchmaking. But she departs from this well-worn model in her attention to one extra characteristic: caste. This silent shadow hangs over every luxurious living room she leads viewers into. She lumps an entire social system, which assigns people to a fixed place in a hierarchy from birth, together with anodyne physical preferences. This prejudiced treatment includes, but is hardly limited to, workplace discrimination in the United States. For example, the state of California sued the tech company Cisco in June for allegedly failing to protect a Dalit employee from discrimination by his higher-caste Brahmin managers. When a popular show like Indian Matchmaking neglects this alarming fact of the Indian American experience, it quietly normalizes caste for a global audience. Contrary to what some viewers might think, the caste system is an active form of discrimination that persists in India and within the Indian American diaspora. One of the primary functions of arranged marriage is maintaining this status quo.

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Every reality show has at least one villain. As Sima and the show itself frequently remind us, arranged marriage is not quite the form of social control it used to be; everyone here emphasizes that they have the right to choose or refuse the matches presented to them. But as becomes especially clear when Sima works in India, that choice is frequently and rather roughly pressured by an anvil of social expectations and family duty.

In the most extreme case, a year-old prospective groom named Akshay Jakhete is practically bullied by his mother, Preeti, into choosing a bride. Indian Matchmaking smartly reclaims and updates the arranged marriage myth for the 21st century, demystifying the process and revealing how much romance and heartache is baked into the process even when older adults are meddling every step of the way.

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We cannot defeat racism if we continue to allow cultural biases govern who we love or who we let our children marry. In an attempt to escape the quarantine daze, I started watching Netflix’s new reality series, Indian Matchmaking , about the often-misunderstood world of arranged marriage. At first, I really enjoyed watching and somethings search for love and marriage in this traditional manner.

My friends and I laughed at snobby Aparna, cringed at the scenes with “mama’s boy” Akshay, and cried when sweet Nadia’s second suitor turned out to be an unapologetic “bro”. By the end of the eight-episode series, however, I felt nauseous. Unlike some of my white friends who watched on carefree, I was disturbed by the obvious displays of classism, ethnocentrism, and colourism in the show.

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Colourism and sexism are found in every single episode, and with no LGBT or Muslim couple portrayed, it’s hardly representative of modern India either. But that’s no reason to write the show off altogether. When on top form, reality TV acts as a microcosm that showcases the very best and worst of humanity. It can bridges social gulfs by being universal and relatable. It also brings the unparalleled joy that comes with watching others humiliate themselves.

Indian Matchmaking , the latest Netflix hit, is a prime example. It does all that, and more. The show is trending internationally. For the Indian community, this is our Tiger King. Tweets and memes are being distributed on every family WhatsApp chain, amusing baby boomers and Generation Z alike. Intense discussions are kicked off as households decide which of their friends and family members are too close in character to the ones on screen.

If you know a Preeti, run for the hills. For some, it really has been a hilariously brutal portrayal of their own experiences.

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With his team of relationship managers, counsellors, photographers, chartered accountants and a sophisticated software that helps sort out matches based on location, community, age and height, among other filters, Goswami found a life partner for the year-old that checked all the boxes. I met a lot of people and my family stepped in only when I was sure. Read The evolution of marriage, from strictly arranged to semi-arranged.

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The first season of the show has missed presenting an all-round and inclusive picture of the Indian reality. That Indian Matchmaking has upset people across the spectrum is slightly baffling given we are a culture obsessed with arranged marriages. Newspapers embellished with matrimonial adverts — ridiculous and regressive in equal measure — are perhaps the oldest testimonies to our fixation with this robust institution. With Indian Matchmaking , this well-preserved secret is out for Western edification and that is perhaps the reason for our collective outrage against the show.

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And despite the talk of all things wrong with the documentary, it is still ranked one of the most watched and talked about shows all over the world, especially in India. In the documentary, Sima Taparia, an elite Indian matchmaker, tries to find appropriate matches in India and America for all her clients, touring the houses of prospective brides and grooms while taking note of their criteria and collecting biographical details. Deciding to not include Muslims on the show neglected to provide a closer look into the demographics of India.

Arranged marriages are common in the Indian Muslim community. Families are greatly involved, and parents play a key role in the matchmaking process.

Matchmaker Sima Taparia in Netflix show ‘Indian Matchmaking‘ Muslims in South Asia marry within their biradari or jaat — a stand-in for.

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